The hill near my old house is looking lovely-- luscious?-- this time of year as always. It only lasts about a month. The grass is green with a sprinkling of yellow wildflowers at the base. If not for the fact that they're probably teeming with bees, I always feel like tramping through the flowers and having a picnic with someone.
Until I get my bike, which is turning out to be a lengthier process than I'd anticipated, I'm thinkin' I like the idea of taking walks. Yeah. I don't know where to go in Redlands as far a nice places to take walks though. Any suggestions? (It's something I wanted to do regularly with you. Just you just you just you just you. But I guess I'll just have to settle for me. Just me...?) It's part of that whole solitude thing.
In class today, we talked about solitude vs. loneliness, and also the "consequences of shyness". So basically we were dissecting my life. Obviously, the difference between solitude and loneliness is that there's a choice involved in solitude, whereas loneliness is a byproduct of certain life events you might not have control over. I guess that's why things are harder for me, because there wasn't a choice. But I'm trying to make the choice to get through it. Solitude is good because we make time to discover and be comfortable with who we are. I do like my solitude and the professor asked who would be fine spending a whole weekend alone from Friday to Sunday (when she said "without tv", plenty of hands went down) and I think I was one of two people who raised my hand in a class of about a hundred. I've been doing it a lot lately. And most of my life. Especially when I lived alone on Little Mountain, and now I live alone again in Redlands.
As far as shyness, it's something that can be a negative thing if you can't communicate or express yourself, which I can't unless it's through my writing. Also, it limits you from making friends and meeting new people and getting ahead in education/career, which can lead to depression and anxiety and loneliness. Blurg. The thing is, the way to get over it is to just do it. And sometimes that's really hard. Stop thinking too much and do it. Put yourself out there. Be comfortable with yourself and your opinions and beliefs and the possibility of failing when you take a risk. People don't tell you how to be comfortable though, because there's no way to teach that. You just have to get there somehow. I don't know how. I guess I'll have to learn by doing.
Inspiration
AND and, I have to do this extra credit assignment for my fitness class (because I never go to class) where I have to calorie count for 4 days, and I can't alter my diet; it has to be my normal everyday diet. Man, is my professor going to be scared. Jen tells me I eat like I'm Jack Black (it came up while watching him eat ten nacho chips stuck together in Saving Silverman). In reality, he probably has a healthier diet. Maybe I'll post my 4-day diet journal up on here if it's not too horrifying. Or even if it is. dun dun dun. . .
Jack Black's line from Saving Silverman:
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