all the pretty girls

So I don't have work until next Wednesday, which means I'll probably be on here a lot. Aren't you excited? (Oh, also, I did lots better than I thought this quarter, even though I peaced out on a lot of my class meetings. Two As, two Bs, and a B-).




"My favorite kinds of actors are the chameleons, like Daniel Day-Lewis or Peter Sellers, people like that. To me, the highest compliment you can pay to an actor is, "Man, I didn't recognize you". So yeah, "Hesher" is really different from "Tom" in (500) Days of Summer (2009)" and you know, that's what keeps it spicy for me." -- Joseph Gordon-Levitt



Joseph Gordon-Levitt has always been a favorite of mine since 3rd Rock From the Sun and 10 Things I Hate About You (I guess he has a thing for numbers, what with (500) Days of Summer added to the list). He's really come into his own since the cute-little-puppy-dog-face that reeled me in. And my goodness he knows how to dress. Thanks Gigi, for this link. Click here for the style article that goes along with the pictures above.

Everything that follows are just pretty things or things I want like a dutch bike and the necklace of books. I'll probably narrow it down to just a couple pictures to a post, but right now, as an end of the month treat, you get an overload. Tomorrow is April 1, so I'll do a whole new playlist for you to ring in the day of fools.















And the thing giving me the most happies right now: my overstuffed bookcase housing the likes of Otis Redding, Flannery O'Connor, George Saunders, Donovan, Paul Simon (and Art), Joy Williams, Lorrie Moorie, Jim Halpert, Dave Eggers, and David Sedaris.

me and you and everyone we know.

edit:: Blurg. This is the actual link I meant to put, J.
http://windriderforum.org/2010/02/16/now-playing-fan-mail-by-sean-christensen/
Try that. Sorry!

Watch this, fools. Please? You'll like it :)


Click on the picture above to go to the short "Fan Mail" by Sean Christensen. It wouldn't let me embed it. It's just a few minutes long. And it's also an homage of sorts to Miranda July; you can't beat that. She's wonderful. A writer, a filmmaker, actress, musician. The d-bag. And to top it off, she's super cute. Poop, back and forth forever. I forgot how to write it. With the < and the ).




Also, speaking of geniuses and short films...

Spike Jonze's 30-minute short film I'm Here, featuring robot love. What could be better?

let's have some fun, this beat is sick

Happy birthday, Lady Gaga.

Combining two amazing things, Gaga (and acoustic "Poker Face") and my fave designer Marc Jacobs...
Did you catch the indecency at 7min 10sec? =P


I dig the retro underwear. :)

"You like me so much more than you think you do."

Sometimes I end up being really impulsive and acting on those impulses. Blurg. (I'm getting more Liz Lemon-y by the second. By the way, I really wanted her to end up with Floyd, but now he's getting married and she's somehow gotten roped into being in the wedding? What the what?! Seems like something that would happen to me, too.)

There's been a lot of reconnection with old high school classmates of late (blame Facebook) and, in turn, I've been thinking of who I used to be. Not a lot has changed, although I used to be even more shy than I am now. It's strange, though, because when I say I'm shy-- because I'm used to thinking I am-- people (at work and school) say they don't think I am, not really. And I get all defensive, weirdly, like "Yes, I am! I'm shy, dammit!"

But when I got together with my high school friends who already had that impression of me, I realized I had changed. I mean, I'm still shy, but I just don't let it show as much. I remember reading or hearing something to the effect of "If you pretend something long enough, you're not really pretending anymore". And that can apply to a lot of things.

Some happy news: Belle and Sebastian


And also, you're welcome::

blueberry head (and updated weekly playlist)

EDIT:: Greenberg got a pretty dern good review. I wants to watch, please! Read reviews.
"I never knew who Ben Stiller was born to play, but now I do." --Roger Ebert

We all know I'll always love dogs more, but this guy right here is really tipping the scales. Also, there was one kind of cat Johnny and I found and I can't remember the name of it. Blurg. But, in all his glory, Shironeko!

Click on this link to see more, but these are the ones I like best. I was only going to put one up, but I couldn't decide so I narrowed it down to two. Why is his head so out of proportion in this shot? I don't know the answer, but I'm glad it is. (As always, click on them to see the full fantastical-ness).





Also of note, I got free Chipotle yesterday! They're opening a location at Victoria Gardens and last night was a test run for the staff before the Grande -- yes, grande -- Opening on Friday. Yum. The cheese and sour cream guy at the end of the assembly line definitely skimped on the goods, though.

ALSO also, I've actually been keeping up with Lost. Thoughts on the last and final season so far? Right now, as far as tv goes, I'd rank the best shows as follows (not ranked by overall but this season specifically; because I love you forever, Office, but you're slackin'):

1. Modern Family!!!! I love any arc with the dad Phil Dunphy, or the cutest couple Mitch and Cam (mostly Cam).
2. 30 Rock. Tina Fey is my role model. (After George Costanza. I should be fat.)
3. The Office. Andy and Erin are keeping this season alive.
4. Community. I'm liking this show a lot more, especially from when it first started, but it's still a little bit fumble-y at times.
5. and then Lost for when I don't have anything to watch in the beginning of the week :)

As promised, the playlist from this week that wasn't loading properly on Tuesday. For those windows-down-on-the-freeway-70-degree-and-still-sunny-at-7pm drives.

Or, if you're feeling a little lost-- and you like it.

wandering/road trippin

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle ~ Sir James Barrie, "Peter Pan"

"Even if we're wised-up, grown up, and made a little (or a lot) cynical by life, don't we all want our heads resting on a lap?" - RE: Love Is All's new album

penny lane is in my ears and in my eyes

Click to see bigger beautifuller version.

I miss my stinker.

yours truly, confused n10

I like to write letters. I'm writing one right now. It's wonderfully old-timey. Past times are my favorite kind of time. I wish I had a quill and some parchment; or OR, even better, a typewriter. Which one should I get?

green typewriter
grey typewriter
black typewriter

The first(green) and the third(black) one I like best, but the second(grey) one is nice too, and it comes with a super cute yellowish case. If anything, I want to green one. Any way, to the right is a really great, absolutely mystifying letter of divorcement written by this crazy homeless woman that would frequent Book Soup and sit on the couch in the back while her "friend", to whom this letter was addressed to, slept on the other seat. (Click on it to read it).

I like to listen to music. Free music is nice. Get some here.

And lala was being dumb as usual today and it wouldn't load my playlist for some reason. Here it is, not quite in order, though. I'll try and have it up once lala stops being poopoo.

Wandering/Road Trippin'
1.back of a car - big star
2.strangers - the kinks
3.emitt rhodes - lullaby
4.running up that hill - kate bush
5.stephanie says - velvet underground
6.riding in my car - she & him
7.this time tomorrow - the kinks
8.unsatisfied - replacements
9.gypsy - fleetwood mac
10.why don't we do it in the road - the beatles
11.i can't quit you babe - otis rush


I'm taking to sleeping on the other side of the bed. It's been looking rather empty.

and i'm running away, it makes me feel better

Brand New Shoes

I had some brand new shoes
They were all red, but they gave me the blues
And they’re running away, they left me
a letter
It’s just like you told me it’d be
It’s nothing, nothing, nothing
Nothing at all
We are all made of air
There’s stars in my eyes and there’s sun in my hair
And I’m running away, it makes me feel better

When it comes down to this
I’m neither sorry, nor cross, nor I’m fit
And I’m running away, there’s smoke on
my sweater If you can’t sleep, I’ll be there in your dreams
I’ll be there in your dreams
If you can’t sleep at all
And in your dreams, I’ll touch your cheek
And lay my head on your shoulder
Goodbye shadows
Goodbye shadows

If you’re far away, if you can’t see my face
If the work is cold, but the sun shines
the same
Shut your eyes, there are bluer skies
For you’re embraced in my heart

high school daze

I can has this? (I can use it while I ride my new bike that I haven't gotten yet; and it has bicycles ON it!!)

. . .
It's funny how different the reactions to the health care reform bill range, depending on who you are and where you stand on the issue. I'm still trying to figure things out. I think people are expecting too much too soon, and they need to understand that change isn't going to come quickly or easily.

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/health.care/
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_health_care_politics_analysis
(yes, yes, I used Yahoo! for a resource, but only because it has updates right on the main page; other than that, it's Google all the way) :)
. . .

This weekend was some strange sort of flashback time warp. A lot of catching up and reminiscing, and realizing I remember virtually nothing of my past; and what I do remember, I remember slightly differently than what actually transpired. I think that most memories end up a bit off-kilter from reality in the end. Seems like memories are part actuality, and part what you want to think happened. And sometimes that's a good thing. Sometimes not.

I wish there were some "then" pictures to go with the "now" shots, but alas, our time in high school was not the time of everyone owning a digital camera/iPhone. Not a time where every insignificant event like lunch out on the quad or goofing around in 2nd period Spanish needed to be chronicled. I hardly have any high school photos. In any case here are a couple pictures of lunch with the Syphuses, who both taught English IB/AP at Cajon High School. Cheryl Syphus was my junior year English teacher, and Harry Syphus was senior year.

They're kind of adorable together, even years later. It's sweet and genuine.


I am the only one who isn't/hasn't been married at this table. (Me and the baby). Of course, Cheryl asked-- and this was a topic that came up twice this weekend because Saturday was spent with high school friends as well-- whether I was seeing someone. To which I replied, I was, only recently. Cheryl was quick to say something to the effect of, "I'm sure that's given you something to write about at least". But I'm leaning towards not writing about relationships in my fiction anymore. I don't know enough about them, I've realized.


And then, me with my journalism buddies Jessie and Josh.


. . .

AND and... Finally got a Disneyland pass.


And then, pictures of some dorko who wanted to pose like all the Mickeys and Minnies on the tshirts in the gift shop.

you're the nicest person i've ever met... ri-di-di-da-doo

edit: okay my loverlies, i made it so anyone can comment without registering :).

The last 10 seconds of last night's episode of The Office were just darling. Andy's real cute.

Also, baby Buster on Community!

. . .

Watch this with me, please? It comes out on the 26th. Spring Break?


I wouldn't trade one stupid decision
For another five years of lies

go outside

Number 1 on this playlist would have been "Go Outside" by Cults, but even though it's streaming through lala on Pitckfork, it's not searchable on the lala website. Of course. Oh well. At long last, this week's playlist. It is in keeping with the golden sunshine-yness of late; except for "Let It Fall" by Lykke Li, but she likes crying so I guess it's happy in context. "Little Bird" isn't very happy either, but birds are spring-y right? I'm bummed that I've been feeling kind of crappy the past couple days too, because it's really casting a shadow on the cloudless skies. More bad news is that both Texas and Arizona sent in rejection letters, and Portland sent me a waitlisted acceptance. Waitlisted like my life. But no more of that. On to the happy feel-good music!



And now back to writing my paper on Episode IV: A New Hope. Then tomorrow, Disneyland with this little girl's newly cropped do.

set 'em wild, set 'em free

who the hell is interrupting my kung-fu?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Holidays are all-too-helpful reminders of what you were doing on that exact day a year ago, two years ago, whatever. As far as last year, I went to the Falconer with Jen, didn't drink at all, and then took her drunk ass to get some food and then brought her back to the Falconer, all before 6pm. After which I went to Johnny's to study-- because we were in the early stages of cute little study dates where no real studying was accomplished. I was in the midst of writing a historical fiction story that I ended up not really working on until, oh, maybe a day before it was due.

Consequently, in conjunction with forcing you to rehash times gone by, holidays cause you to suss out where you are in terms of last year compared to the present. I have to say I've regressed. This day last year saw me much more optimistic, misguided though that optimism turned out to be. Today, this year, this St. Paddy's Day, I will be working till 10, then closing my bedroom door in a cat's face before watching Seinfeld to drown out the amplified sounds of a tiny cat body-slamming my door to be let in.

I just want some privacy, please. (I had an unexpected and unwelcome relapse tonight.)



This guy I saw at the Getty last week really deserves to be on the Sartorialist. He just doesn't have good fashion sense, but he knows how to wear it well. Unassuming and unpretentious, cultured and confident without seeming so. Blazer, purple cuffed pants, shades, and panache. I would like to be his friend, please.



(sorry, i'll work on the playlist today)

what would i want? sky

The time change is, like most everything, a good and bad thing. (It's chased away that winter gloom that I have to say is probably most at fault for driving everyone mad and/or sad these past few months, just like Kenneth said on 30 Rock. Not to say I don't enjoy the gloom). It stays light later in the day now and the weather is golden warm and breezy and sun-dappled. It's the kind of weather where you can take naps outside and picnic on the lawn at the Getty with french pastries and go bike riding and take walks holding hands or go driving in the car listening to Animal Collective, or the scratchy pop and crackle of vinyl records while you lay in bed with the blinds up, and you can forget that you had anything to worry about. Everyone is so excited about it, and I want to join them.

I almost feel like I can, it's just barely slipping through the cracks between my cupped palms, the sunlight and the joy of it. I'm on the verge of it while driving with my windows down on the 210 freeway, or in the excitement of walking out of my night class at 7 o'clock with the sun still out. And then I remember that I don't have a hand to hold while going on walks, or someone to lay next to in bed and talk about how songs by Hank Williams or Otis Redding sound best with the scratchy pop and crackle you get with vinyl records. And it's hard to see the point of some things--most things-- without someone to share them with. But I'll deal. I have to. (I've never been such a drama queen.)


I know I said I would do the playlist on Tuesdays, and I will. Later in the day for sure. It'll be sun-dappled/golden themed in honor of the weather. How about you give me some ideas for songs for the playlist? I think it'll be called Twitterpated (because I guess that's what's supposed to happen in the Spring).

lingering still

Why is it so hard to quit a bad thing? Or not necessarily a bad thing, but something bad/unhealthy for you? You just want to keep doing it, want it to keep happening even though you don't plan it.




Click on the album cover to listen to the album on NPR. (I haven't checked it all out yet, but I'm optimistic. I heart Zooey!) There's one song I kinda like called "Lingering Still" so far. We'll see.

I like to learn things slow
I like learning a lot
I like to get it all again and in the end
You know you get what you got
I like to mean what I say
But it don't always come through
'Cause if I say it all again, again, again,
It doesn't make it all true.

yikes < 3

noodle!

edits: Congrats to my sister, the new Cardiac/Tele nurse at Hoag in Newport Beach! Whatever that means. I do know it means she's going to be making tons of money working all the time. Now she can buy me everything at Anthropologie!! :) Congrats, Tessy!

I, on the other hand, still haven't heard from Portland, SF, or Arizona. And when I do, and wherever I go, and whatever teaching job I get, I'll still be poor. :) Aside from the dough rolling in for my bestseller.

Someone asked the question: which year would you want to live over? Last year, please and thank you. Maybe some sort of Groundhog Day situation. Because the day after Groundhog Day was not-so-great this year.

in your favorite sweater, with an old love letter

I have always always wanted a brown leather backpack briefcase, but I could never find one anywhere. This one from Amazon is way too expensive, but apparently it's supposed to be so amazingly durable that it'll outlast you, and possibly your grandchildren. It costs about two-thirds of my paycheck these days, though, what with school cutting into my availability. But wouldn't my macbook and paperbacks look oh so cozy in there?



Been listening to a lot of Dylan lately. Reminds me of someone here :)



I've decided to make little playlists on here once a week, for the musical edification of you, the two or three readers who make up my public. I'm thinking it'll be every Monday or Tuesday, but this week it'll be today! Aren't you lucky? The theme ended up being folk/alt country/blues because I am blue.

I wish you'd make up my bed
So I could make up my mind
Try it for sleeping instead
Maybe you'll rest sometime
I wish I could

Happy Wednesday!

("I'd Have You Anytime" by George Harrison wasn't available to put on a playlist on lala. Boo hoo.)

And it's eastertime, too.

i wanna walk around with you. . .

The hill near my old house is looking lovely-- luscious?-- this time of year as always. It only lasts about a month. The grass is green with a sprinkling of yellow wildflowers at the base. If not for the fact that they're probably teeming with bees, I always feel like tramping through the flowers and having a picnic with someone.

Until I get my bike, which is turning out to be a lengthier process than I'd anticipated, I'm thinkin' I like the idea of taking walks. Yeah. I don't know where to go in Redlands as far a nice places to take walks though. Any suggestions? (It's something I wanted to do regularly with you. Just you just you just you just you. But I guess I'll just have to settle for me. Just me...?) It's part of that whole solitude thing.

In class today, we talked about solitude vs. loneliness, and also the "consequences of shyness". So basically we were dissecting my life. Obviously, the difference between solitude and loneliness is that there's a choice involved in solitude, whereas loneliness is a byproduct of certain life events you might not have control over. I guess that's why things are harder for me, because there wasn't a choice. But I'm trying to make the choice to get through it. Solitude is good because we make time to discover and be comfortable with who we are. I do like my solitude and the professor asked who would be fine spending a whole weekend alone from Friday to Sunday (when she said "without tv", plenty of hands went down) and I think I was one of two people who raised my hand in a class of about a hundred. I've been doing it a lot lately. And most of my life. Especially when I lived alone on Little Mountain, and now I live alone again in Redlands.

As far as shyness, it's something that can be a negative thing if you can't communicate or express yourself, which I can't unless it's through my writing. Also, it limits you from making friends and meeting new people and getting ahead in education/career, which can lead to depression and anxiety and loneliness. Blurg. The thing is, the way to get over it is to just do it. And sometimes that's really hard. Stop thinking too much and do it. Put yourself out there. Be comfortable with yourself and your opinions and beliefs and the possibility of failing when you take a risk. People don't tell you how to be comfortable though, because there's no way to teach that. You just have to get there somehow. I don't know how. I guess I'll have to learn by doing.

Inspiration


AND and, I have to do this extra credit assignment for my fitness class (because I never go to class) where I have to calorie count for 4 days, and I can't alter my diet; it has to be my normal everyday diet. Man, is my professor going to be scared. Jen tells me I eat like I'm Jack Black (it came up while watching him eat ten nacho chips stuck together in Saving Silverman). In reality, he probably has a healthier diet. Maybe I'll post my 4-day diet journal up on here if it's not too horrifying. Or even if it is. dun dun dun. . .

Jack Black's line from Saving Silverman:

hey ferris, is this your day off?

How come Alec Baldwin is so amazing? And is that a two-person snuggie or what? Because that's just darling.

I didn't get to see the Oscars, being one of few without cable tv (and the fact that I worked until ten last night anyway. So I went online to watch the "Best of" videos and some of the acceptance speeches. I really liked Jeff Bridges' speech only because he sounds like a cool guy, or a stoner, man. I want to see Crazy Heart. Hopefully I can find a good quality stream of it somewhere online. Jeff Bridges is one of those really great overlooked actors with a lot of range; from The Last Picture Show to The Big Lebowski? C'mon! Also, Maggie Gyllenhaal is uber adorable. Which reminds me...




Anyway, this is going to be a blog mostly of pictures. Other than this video of Christoph Waltz's acceptance speech because I thought he was the best thing about Inglourious Basterds and I love the Austrian accent.


And then here come the pictures. You can click on them to make them bigger. They're from my lovely visit with the Book Soupers at the park and playing ping pong at Linda's. < 3

Theresa and me (and my beautiful beautiful oxfords that I can't stop wearing).


Blurry Book Soup staffers John, Alex, Theresa, Me


Ping..


Pong.


Who is patient 67?

la musica

I saw Nick's and Bri Li's (respective) bands play last night and they were both great in their own right. Nick's is just really original and upbeat and raw, while Bri Li's is more polished and contemplative. It was great to hear live music in such a small and intimate setting, which I think is the most optimal setting for such things. It reminded me of when I used to go to shows in LA and write music reviews, and also when I used to do open mics and have jam sessions with people.

Speaking of which, I'm supposed to be starting to get into that again with Christian, mostly background vocals, duets and stuff on his music. And yesterday just made me want to start up with the music that much more. It's been a long time. Actually in the past month, I've been messing around with my guitar a little more than usual now that I have scads of time on my hands. My callouses are reforming and lookin' awesomely gross. As far as singing goes, I have this thing where I can sing a bunch of different ways from indie/low fi(Postal Service's "Nothing Better"), to powerhouse r&b(Corinne Bailey Rae's "Breathless"), to the whole classic showtune/broadway musical voice(Gershwin's "Someone to Watch Over Me", Wicked, Rent). It comes from being a mezzo soprano which helps with things like having a wide range. But I'm trying to find the sound I want to stick with as my own rather than modifying it to fit a bunch of different sounds. I think it'll be more toward the indie, although I've always had a thing for being in musicals. Here's my old Myspace Music Page, it hasn't been updated in years.

I feel like I always have to have a picture or video up on my blog entries since I've done it every other time. So here goes. A parting gift for you (videos from 2008). Oh, my lovely lovely long hair, how I miss you so. Although I just heard from my friend and one of my coworkers that they like my short hair better.

So this one from the movie Walk Hard only sounds good during the duet parts with the harmonizing and Austin and I did this without practicing (we're reading the lyrics while recording). And I have that silly country accent, but it's cute.


And this Tom Waits cover stinks cause I hadn't gotten the hang of playing and singing at the same time back then (if I just do one or the other it sounds way better, but together I suck)



< 3 < 3 < 3

two entries, one day

You're getting a deal. Slash, I'm a loser.


Fleet Foxes frontman does "On a Good Day" by Joanna Newsom

weird weekends

Yesterday I caught up with a few of my favorite people from a long time ago, my Book Soup co-workers Alex, Linda, Theresa and John. We were supposed to go to the Getty but I ruined things like I tend to do. I swear it wasn't my fault this time! I loathe traffic and so the fates that be decided to stick me in it for two hours on the 91. It was 4pm by the time I got to Linda's house, so instead of trekking out to the Getty, we packed some French pastries and this delicious milk oolong tea Linda got from San Francisco and went to the park by the Huntington Beach Library for a picnic and talked about scholarly things, and books, and movies, and tv shows, and culture. (I'd gone running there before while attempting to train for the Long Beach marathon but never for a picnic.) It was quaint. I like that word. And I like things that are quaint.

Anyway, they turned me on to this documentary series on the BBC called Weird Weekends with Louis Theroux. He immerses himself in these lifestyles and situations in order to gain understanding, in the process fully devoting himself to the cultural experience, to extreme measures. I'm typically not a big documentary fiend, but the way he goes about his 'research' is really interesting and subversive. I wish I could get the show on dvd but I'm not sure where to find it. There's an episode on porn stars that Linda and Theresa said was really interesting because, like his other episodes on bodybuilding and hypnotists and gangsta rap, he basically assimilates himself into the different situations and it makes for interesting/engaging tv to say the least. And informative. Interesting and informative don't always go hand in hand, as I'm sure you know.





In any event, the Getty trip is being rescheduled, and I'm glad because it means I'll get to see them all again real soon.

Oh oh, also, this guy I used to date who knows lots about bikes asked me-- when I said I was looking for a cute vintage-y bike-- "You mean a dutch bike, right?" And I said, a cute vintage-y one, silly. And he said, "Yeah, you mean a dutch bike." Ummm do I ever! They are exactly what I mean. I can has dutch bike?

the sweetest thing

I think I've somehow managed to spoil Rupert all the way to dog status, because if I don't let him in my room, he claws the door and mews and mews until I let him in. Then, once I let him inside, he rubs up on my leg and then flops right onto his back so I can pet his tummy. What kind of cat is that? He's just like Penny.

Camera shy:


On a bus radio, fifty ways to leave your lover alone..

All this time alone makes me realize how much I liked my alone time, but at the same time, it's not the same as before. Maybe because I didn't have anything to miss when I was alone before. Not to say I don't still like being alone. I do. Laying around in my leotards eating hot Cheetos in bed and watching 30 Rock over and over again. It's helped my writing process, too. People are always amazed that I crank out these "great" stories in a matter of days, but what they don't know is that when I used to write when I was on my own, I didn't have anything else to do for days straight which would force me to write, then eat or watch something online while revising and adding on and touching things up the whole time. Tweaking a sentence here, adding a paragraph, paring out words. And the luxury of that was lost for a while to a point where I cranked out the stories in the same short amount of days but with much less time for fine-tuning. Now I'm learning to set aside a specific time for my hermit/perfectionist style of writing and balance it out with hanging out, work, school, attempting to do yoga at home, and reading reading reading. And eating. And music. Here I leave you with a cutie moustache video:


You challenged me to write a love song
Here it is, I think I got it wrong
I focused on the negative
The pain was too much to write and sing
Oh, it was not a nice incentive

Dear Netflix,

Please put the Cosby Show on instant play.

< 3,
Melis




Aside from that, I think there's something to be said for the whole tortured artist thing. Perhaps I can get something out of losing another. I'm working on a new story. It's been a long time since I've seriously written. I mean, I've written two stories last year, both of which weren't my best (although I was told by Moffett that my memoir piece was one of the best things he's read of mine, which I consider high praise, but it doesn't count because it wasn't fiction), so I'm trying to get back into really really writing, before all of that M.F.A. madness. And as much as I desperately want to run away to anywhere but here, it looks like CSUSB is going to have me for another two years, the way things are going with the application process; it's been a year of rejections all around for me so far, it seems. But I'm kind of almost sort of completely on board with sticking around because of people like Valerie and Jen who've been pretty helpful during my whole wallowing phase, which is new for me. I've never really been the wallowing type, or relied on girls for friendship for that matter. Plus, I'm really in the mix with the current M.F.A kids lately, not to mention the staff. It already seems like a home to me. Comfortable and only slightly terrifying.